Alone
Even though I'm not, I feel alone sometimes. It's a weird feeling...to actually have friends and family and people in your life and still feel alone.
I feel this way partially because of some weird (for lack of a better word) situations I've been in...where people are sort of in, but not really IN in my life. It makes me feel like I sort of have somebody there for me...but sort of don't? I don't know how to explain that very well.
For the most part, I think I just feel like nobody understands me. Because of that, I don't really ever express what I might be feeling. I just keep it all inside because I feel like nobody will understand anyway...or I feel like somebody will think I'm wrong or stupid for feeling the way I feel. That's probably the wrong way to handle the situation, but it's all I have the energy for right now. I don't have the energy to try to make someone understand or to get in arguments and cause drama and awkwardness and tension. It almost seems easier to just never say anything.
I know it isn't really easier though...maybe for everybody else, but not for me. It eats me up inside. I don't know what to do though. I just try to keep a positive attitude most of the time. They say "fake it 'til you make it", right? That's what I try to do sometimes. It'll work for certain situations, but not for all of them. Some stuff is so deep that you can't just pretend it doesn't exist. *sigh* I don't know...I guess I'll just keep working on myself as much as I can. That's really all I can do.
3 things I'm thankful for today:
For the most part, I think I just feel like nobody understands me. Because of that, I don't really ever express what I might be feeling. I just keep it all inside because I feel like nobody will understand anyway...or I feel like somebody will think I'm wrong or stupid for feeling the way I feel. That's probably the wrong way to handle the situation, but it's all I have the energy for right now. I don't have the energy to try to make someone understand or to get in arguments and cause drama and awkwardness and tension. It almost seems easier to just never say anything.
I know it isn't really easier though...maybe for everybody else, but not for me. It eats me up inside. I don't know what to do though. I just try to keep a positive attitude most of the time. They say "fake it 'til you make it", right? That's what I try to do sometimes. It'll work for certain situations, but not for all of them. Some stuff is so deep that you can't just pretend it doesn't exist. *sigh* I don't know...I guess I'll just keep working on myself as much as I can. That's really all I can do.
3 things I'm thankful for today:
- Great day yesterday with my mom.
- GORGEOUS weather.
- Being off tomorrow and almost done with my paper.
