I feel like I don’t have anyone to talk to. I don’t mean about “normal” day-to-day stuff…the easy stuff. I’m talking about the deep stuff…the stuff that keeps me up at night…the stuff that has me fighting back tears the second I think about it.

I never let any of those feelings out, and I think it’s slowly having a bad effect on me. I’m always the one in a good mood, ready and willing to listen and help everyone else feel better. Even when I feel like crying, I try my best to put that aside to make other people feel better. I know it’s a good thing that I’m trying to help other people…but who will help me?

Sometimes…I just wanna cry on someone’s shoulder or ramble or vent for a good hour. Like right now. Sometimes…I just want somebody to hold me and tell me everything will be okay. I want soooooo bad to let all of these feelings out because they’re definitely ready to come out. I’m afraid that one day I’ll explode because I’ve been holding everything in for so long. That will NOT be pretty.

I guess that’s why I tend to write a lot more when I’m not in a good mood. It’s really the only avenue I feel like I have to talk about stuff like this. The blog doesn’t talk back though. It doesn’t love me. It doesn’t hold me. It doesn’t make me feel better about the future. I guess it’s better than holding everything in though…so…here I am.

3 things I’m thankful for today:

1. Halloween candy at work 
2. Nice weather today 
3. Hope