Needy?
There have been a few times recently where, for a second, I thought I was acting a little....needy. I don't think being needy is necessarily a bad thing, as long as it doesn't happen all the time. Everybody has needy moments sometimes.
I think "needy" is the wrong word for what I've been feeling though. I don't know what the right word is, but I think that maybe I've just been "wanting".
If you read my blog before I remodeled and started all over again, you know the stories about my past relationships, how horrible they were, and how horribly they ended. Because of all of that, I now want something completely different....and I want the chance to feel....pursued/wanted/adored/all of those other nice things that people like to feel. I've never really had a man pursue me. I guess I never required a man to pursue me. Any situation I was in kind of just...happened. The man didn't have to work for my love or care. Didn't have to be there for me. Didn't have to be interested in what was going on in my life. Didn't have to take me out. Didn't have to ask me out on dates. Didn't have to plan dates. Didn't have to really do anything. And I still gave 150% of myself.
So yeah...I wanna be pursued. And I don't feel bad for feeling that way (though I did at first). Given what I've experienced and how caring and loving I am, I think I deserve to be pursued. I deserve to feel good. I know that whole "honeymoon phase" doesn't last forever. Trust me...I get that. I don't expect it to last forever because relationships go through phases and grow and change. The love deepens and you start to show your love for each other in different ways than you did in the beginning. But since I've never experienced a honeymoon phase....I wanna experience it at least once.
And it's not AT ALL about money. It actually has nothing to do with that. It's all about me feeling like the other person loves, wants, and appreciates me. Most times (not saying I don't like a good diamond or something lol), I actually prefer a sentimental gift (cooking dinner, a bath and a massage, personal cards, being interested in something I'm interested in, watching a lifetime movie with me, surprising me, helping me with chores, etc.) over something really expensive. More thought goes into that and it generally means more to me.
So yeah...I've decided that I'm not a needy person (though I have those moments just like anyone else). I just want to experience something I've never had the chance to experience before.
3 things I'm thankful for today:
- A good Christmas with family.
- Having today off.
- I'm declaring it and speaking it into existence - a Cow.boys win over the Gi.ants on Sunday!
